Sanguity is the new change :')

Today i was walking on the streets heading towards railway station. It was a normal day. Sun showing off its hotness. Fruit sellers earning their bread and butter. A group of girls giggling and having fun. Mother buying balloons for her kid that gets a bright smile on that innocent face Leaves dancing. Birds singing their jingles. I plugged my skullcandy earphones, swaying to the tunes of "i knew you were trouble" by Taylor Swift, that's when i heard a non familiar voice "Excuse me", which broke my motion and certainly i turned back to respond. Yes? 
   There was a lady on activa asking me whether i was going towards station? I said yes with a hesitant tone and a confused look. Come sit, even i am going there, i'll drop you said that lady. There was still a question mark on my face, several questions running through my mind. Why me? What if her intentions are wrong? Is she a thief? What if she kidnaps me by giving this offer? What if she takes me to some secret place? Does she want my wallet? What is she up to? Reading my bewildered face she said "come beta don't worry, i'll drop you safe". I accepted her offer and decided to go with the flow. My mind was clouded with questions and sudden hault made me realise that i was already at the station, safe and risk free. I gave her a thanking smile to which she returned with equal warmth.
 She helped me with pure intentions but i was the one who was judging her. There are people who wants to genuinely help people but we are blind folded by negativity. Residing in the world with increasing crimes, we believe that every individual who  wants to help you unconditionally has some wrong intentions. He/she has some plans to harm us or is trying to manipulate us. But we should not fail to remember that there are people who wants to help. May be because they believe more in giving instead of just taking. We mistake such person as maniacs where actually we are lunatic. Don't get so lost into negativity that you blur your positive vision where all seems fake to you. Spreading sanguinity is the new change!

Strokes of nature..!!

She was lying on her double bed, ceiling staring at her with "glow in the dark" stars on it. Wondering how distinctly life has changed from childhood to adolescence. Where in childhood the hardest decision was to choose right crayon and now you are here, experiencing all new changes physically as well as mentally. Constantly torn between choosing the perfect people, maintaining perfect relations,  most importantly trying to be perfect which actually is fictitious. Pretermiting that being perfect is not as important as being real. We try to imitate something, which we are not in order to sound eligible for the hang out group. and we persist to live as "second copy" leaving behind the original version of YOU. 
  In order to cut herself from on-going thoughts she got up and started gazing out the window at the world outside. The nature, which is precisely real and beautiful. The flickering of colorful butterflies. Bat's hangout on trees. Flying high of the birds, unbothered. . The evening jingles of the birds. Two fluffy brown colored dogs passionately playing with smiley ball. How delightful it was! She could differentiate the existence of two different world - 1). Fake and masked world of humans and 2). Prepossessing world of nature and most importantly real. She could witness the nest where mother bird was feeding the baby bird which was immensely beautiful! Colorful flowers added strokes to the beauty. All of sudden it started lightning on a summer evening leaving people puzzled. And it starts raining, heavily. She could see the hustle and bustle on the roads. Some running as fast as they could in order to protect themselves from getting wet, ladies covering their heads with duppattas, some stepping under the roof of shops while some actually dancing and enjoying rains. Kids making paper boats allowing them to float, clapping and that innocent laughs, a laughter of joy. She poured her face outside window, allowing water droplets to touch her. Lips smiling, eyes were closed facing black clouds and arms were opened wide. She welcomed the cool breeze and wanted this moment to standstil. Loosening her tied muffled hairs, she allowed air to play with them. She enjoyed the fragrance of wet mud and got intensely lost. She felt heavenly. "Thudd", sound of something heavy felling down, broke her asthetic pleassure. She was shocked watching a part of tree felling due to the storm. Her eyes searching for that nest and within nanoseconds she spotted the nest shattered. No clue of the bird and baby birds. Their sweet little home was destroyed. Salty water started running down her cheeks. She could connect this incident with people. Falling of a stem was just like failing relations. The last minute everything seemed so happy, wonderful and perfect and other minute everything was destroyed. Destroyed in a such way that nothing will be same like it was. Sudden storm would take away so much which you have never imagined of. How depressing it becomes, no clue. Just like tree couldn't express its melancholy, same way we fall short of words.                                                    Taking deep breath and dropping down those downhearted thoughts, she decides to plant a tree, pledging to take care and nurture it in every possible way. So after few years she could again witness the innocent baby birds being fed by mother bird. And there is no need to go to flashback in order to re-live those gleeful moment.

AND ALL OF SUDDEN SHE CHANGED!!

She was hurt. She was in pain. Eyes lost its glitter. Those lips no longer shared million dollar smile. Her hairs were a mess. Beauty faded. She cried. She shed tears for the people who didn’t deserve. She got lost in the curtains of darkness. She wanted to write down what she felt but words didn’t appear. She scribbled his initial over and over. She thought about the time spend together. Eating up thoughts tears were paying bill. Fire ceased to burn but scars still remained. Her dark circles speak about the mournful mysteries. She suffered.
      But the newly transformed butterfly no longer worries about mysterious caterpillar. She had finally got wings. She made a came back with a complete different person. She fell, she got up, she grew. Her experience gifted her lesson. She was a completely different being now. New styles, new outlook and definitely a new soul. She was strong and fearless. The girl who once cared too much about anything and everything, no longer gives a damn.

JUST LIKE A HALF MOON!!

Pondering, flash of moonlight indeed took me to flashback,
Thinking, in our friendship what brought that minor crack.
Recalling her confession, I knew she felt for me,
But for me, getting committed was not even secondary.
Career goals were my only priority,
Started ignoring her all the time, majority.
I wanted her to be happy, with someone who was worthy of,
But according to people’s perception I was Hitler Adolf.
Calling me insensitive, people started sympathizing her,
None actually knew how precise my intentions were.
Heart ached, loosing a valuable friend I felt like moron,
But I had to leave so that she could move on.
Being quite, I chose to ignore their fallacious taunts,
Who once appreciated my unconditional friendship and dance.
Colored black my emotional and sensitive side,
Just like a half moon, my darker portion I hide.
Wanted to show the world that I was strong,
But tell me my friend where was I wrong?

An Unpredictable Turn.

Clock read 8am. Running down the stairs for breakfast she realized, she was late for college. She just took a slice of bread and bade good bye. “At least have a glass of milk Mithi ! ” shouted her mom.

Mithi, nineteen year old college girl was as pretty as a picture with her curls cascading down her shoulder like a beautiful waterfall, lips as red as roses, twinkling hazel eyes and a perfect fair complexion . She was a girl any guy would have dreamt of. Bubbly, caring, loveable and joyful by nature. Not only alluring from the outside she was just as beautiful from within. She had a great connection with the “happy – go – lucky” destiny.



“Hie! Whatsup?” Mithi greeted Rhea. Rhea, Mithi’s best friend or soul sister whatever you can call. “Nothing much, same boring life, you say?”” Umm.. well I gotta share something with you Rhea,” her excitement made Rhea curious. “Guess what, Hitansh Singhaniya proposed me! Hitansh Singhaniya, the coolest guy of our college proposed Mithi Shekhawat. Isn’t this dream come true? Isn’t it a beautiful feeling when your crush loves you back? Rhea, I feel like I am the luckiest girl on this planet. Loveable parents, a best friend who understands me well and the smartest boyfriend, sounds like a perfect fairytale. Hahaha fairytale, Rhea I can’t even explain this life seems so wonderful and magical.”



Hitansh Singhaniya was the definition of a Stud. With a perfect six packs, 6’1 inch height, he was the ultimate hero of St. Lawrence College. He had first seen Mithi in the canteen, giggling with her friends. Her cuteness and expressive talks were enough to let any guy fall for her. Luckily Rhea and Hitansh were childhood friends which helped him contact Mithi.

Introduction à Exchanging smiles à Sharing tiffin in break àFriendship à Exchanged numbers.

This was the cycle of their story. Their story was indeed a fairytale.
Mithi’s poem defined it. Mithi was a great poetess.

FEELING LOVED!!

I never felt like this before,
Obviously these moments I’ll store.
You treat me with so much of love and care,
With “awww” word on my lips I stare.

No one make my world special as you do,
You are more cute than “Winnie the pooh”.
That rainy day we both got wet,
Giving me your hoodie, our eyes met.
Sound of raindrops felt like a song sung by angel,
Not a song actually but an instrumental.
You hold my hand gently,
My heartbeats started raising simultaneously.
Tightly in your arms you grabbed me,
Touching my lips, blue butterfly flee.
As if it was signing me to do something naughty,
By the time, I realized it was seven-forty.
Not letting an eye contact I waved him good bye,
Blushing like an idiot I winked at sky.

I can’t stop blushing thinking about that day,
Finally happy days are on my way.

“chura liya hai tumne jo dil ko nazar nahi churana sanam badal ke…” her phone rang. Mithi ran to grab her phone as she knew it would be Hitansh. “Smile J”, the name read and the conversation started. “Hello baby I knew it was you.””



 Mithi, you are my doll. I can’t sleep without wishing you good night and without having my good night kissy.” Mithi Blushed. “You can stop blushing now baby. C’mon give me my kissy.” “Muah, Good night Hitansh. Have my dreams oops have sweet dreams :P “both ended up laughing.



  She felt blessed to have such a sweet boyfriend, and which girl wouldn’t, if her boyfriend wished her before sleeping and after waking up, a guy who gave her girlfriend a red rose every single day and reminded her that how lucky he was to have her, who picked her up  everyday while going to college, who would take her to movies, various restaurants for dinner once a week, who would give her lots of surprises, open the door for her, clean her chair before she sat. She deserved that kind of treatment because she was a girl with a golden heart. She didn’t love him for his money but for the love and affection he used to shower upon her.

Summer arrived. It was the last day of college. All screamed yayy! Not because their college was giving them vacation but for a fifteen days trip to Ladakh – Heaven on Earth. She was damn excited for the fifteen long days and nights that she was going to spend with Hitansh. She had planned everything and prepared a list. But she was also sad that Rhea wouldn’t be joining them, as on 1^st april (the day when St. Lawrence people will board a train for Ladakh) Rhea was supposed to attend a family function. Rhea’s dad was a religious person so he had strictly denied Rhea to go for trip.

Finally the much anticipated day arrived. As always Hitansh was waiting for Mithi at her doorstep. After fourteen long minutes she arrived looking stunning as ever wearing a black and white polka dotted top with black jeans, and black and silver round earrings which added sparks to her beauty. Sharing a hug they finally left for the railway station in Hitansh’s car.

Rhea called Mithi 7 times, but she did not answer even once. She would forget about everything when she was with Hitansh. Crazy in love! Then she thought she would send a text message.

“Mithi, hope u r f9. I m sry. I jst got d news of Hitansh’s accident. Baby m wid u dnt wry. Time heals evrythng. I wish I ws wid u. tke cre”.

Mithi read her message as soon as she checked her phone.
Mithi tried to call back Rhea but couldn’t as she was in the train and had network issues. She thought of sending her a message.

“hahaha. I knw 2day its 1^st april. My mad frn thnks m fool lyk hr? :P
nyway Hitansh is safe with me xD . v boarded our train u tke cre nd njoy ur function…luv u silly :*”.

While she was going to press the send button, the phone switched off. The screen flashed “Battery dead”. She shared her best friend’s silly prank with Hitansh. They both ended up laughing.

Ladakh Diaries..



Well spent days. Hitansh didn’t leave Mithi’s hand even for a while. Whole day they were together. Sharing those lovey dovey moments. Drinking coconut water, two straws. Everyday a new promise. Fiteen days fifteen promises. Their bond grew more stronger by each passing day . They were inseparable. Hitansh was indeed raised in the hands of a queen because he knew how to keep her princess happy. He never allowed any tears to slip from Mithi’s eye. For Mithi, Hitansh was her everything. They were a heavenly couple. Couple which had gone through only happy days. Their story was different not like those stereotypical tragic love stories. Her poem describes their love more beautifully. Here she goes..

 SILENCE SPEAKS !!

Under the dark sheltered sky,
When the loving couple are sharing a blush,
Nightingales and the shining moon listen,
And softly the silence speaks..

Besides the sea shore,
When the loving couple are walking hand-in-hand,
Dolphins and the melody of waves listen,
And softly the silence speak..

On a bench above the grass,
When the loving couple share a hug,
Butterflies and grasshoppers cease to fly,
And softly the silence speak..!!

Day Fifteen came. Last day of their trip. Obviously she would miss Ladakh. But she was not sad because she knew Hitansh was going to be with her for her entire life time. They are meant to be. Finally they reached Mumbai. Even though Hitansh was tired, he first dropped Mithi at her doorstep and then went home. She was a pampered princess.

“So, finally my daughter is back. How was your trip Mithi?” Asked her mother.” It was amazing mom. It obviously had to be awesome. Your future son-in-law was along. How could your daughter stay sad or troubled.” Infact she discarded sadness from her dictionary of life. Her mom was shocked and shouted on Mithi. “Mithi stay calm I know its hard to move on, but you need to accept the reality. Remove Hitansh from your memory. Hitansh is no more. He has found his place in heaven. I know it has just been fifteen days that he passed away but you need to be practical now. Grow up Mithi.” Mithi burst out into tears ,all she could say was…”mom its 16^th april today not 1^st april that you are trying to make a fool of me. Rhea also tried to play the same prank. I cannot tolerate such pranks related to Hitansh so stop it  ..”She ran upstairs, locked her room and slept as she was exhausted from the long journey.

Next morning when her mom went upstairs to wake her up, she saw that Mithi was all ready for college. “Mithi beta you woke up by yourself that’s great darling.”” Mom I am upset with you. I am not talking to you. Anyways I am getting late for college. Bye!” Her mom was shocked with Mithi’s childish behavior before she could say something, she heard the sound of the door shutting.
Hey Rhea! How are you? Mithi gave her a tight hug and she seemed so happy.” Hey Mithi! I am glad you moved on and I am happy to see you smile.” “Big deal when Hitansh is with me how can I be sad?” She smiled again. “Yes he is with us :”)” rhea replied.

And the bell rang. “Phew finally the lecture is over. Break time, come lets rush to the canteen I am damn hungry”, said Mithi. Okay lets go followed Rhea.

“Hieee Hitansh! My baby”, she screamed with excitement.. Rhea was shocked. She didn’t know what to say. She cut her thoughts and asked Mithi what’s wrong? Mithi gave her weird look and asked what? To whom are you talking, yourself Mithi? Shut up Rhea, she laughed, I am calling Hitansh to our table nothing else. She found something wrong and called up Sunaina aunty (Mithi’s mom). Rhea explained whole thing to aunty all that happened before lecture and in canteen. Even aunty shared last night’s experience with Rhea. They thought Hitansh’s death had really affected Mithi a lot.

“Look Mithi, Hitansh is no more. He passed away in an accident on 1^st April. It would be better if you accept it soon. I know it is difficult to move on after losing a loved one but you have to be practical in life, being emotional all the time wouldn’t help you”. Mithi went numb!
She started narrating their Ladakh moments and the fifteen promises that Hitansh made with her. She started showing them their pictures. Not even a single photo contained Hitansh’s presence. All were solos of Mithi. Even while showing the images Mithi could see Hitansh in her photos while others saw the actual image. Next minute she was taken to a psychiatrist and the whole scenario was explained by Sunaina aunty.

After analyzing the thorough scenario Doc. Shanti Shukla concluded that Mithi had a mental disorder named “hallucinations”."Hallucinations are sensations that appear real but are created by your own mind. They can affect all five of your senses. For example, you might hear a voice that no one else in the room can hear or see an image that is not real. These symptoms may be caused by mental illness, the side effects of medications, or physical illness like epilepsy. Depending on the cause, you may need to visit a psychiatrist, a neurologist, or a general practitioner. Treatment may include talking medication to cure a physical or metal illness or adopting healthier behaviors like getting more sleep."

"Don't worry Miss Sunaina hallucination is curable. Antipsychotic and atypical antipsychotic medication may also be utilized to treat the illness if the symptoms are severe and cause significant distress. However, abstaining from hallucinogenic drugs, managing stress levels, living highly, and getting plenty of sleep can help reduce the prevalence of hallucinations."
Mithi waited outside the cabin while the doctor explained her mother about her disease. Mrs. Shekhawat still couldn't cope with the fact that her daughter had such a problem, she was left completely shocked. Mithi too couldn't digest, the doctor saying that she was a mental patient Mental always doesn't define mad people sometimes it's just the instability of molecules in body.

Mithi, a girl who once lived in a fairytale, had ended up like this. Who would’ve expected this? For fifteen whole days she was fooled by her disease. She was all alone in Ladakh. She couldn’t imagine all the promises, those fifteen promises were nothing more than just her  imagination . She couldn’t imagine a day without Hitansh, living her entire life was a task for her. Tears wouldn’t stop. The girl who had removed sadness from her life had somehow ended up marrying loneliness. Her life was now gloomy and full of despair. Suddenly she used to start screaming, breaking things in frustrations, she couldn’t sleep at times. Sometimes whole day and whole night she couldn’t sleep. She kept staring at the fan with her eyes wide open and dark circles under them. She lost her appetite. Suddenly one day she took the scissors lying on the table and cut her hair randomly.



Sometimes she would start laughing like she was possessed by a soul. Once around 2’30am she went off running and dancing naked on the streets. Her mother had to run behind her to get her back safe.

She was suffering from depression and the fact that she had lost Hitansh and on that the hallucinations she experienced often completely killed her from inside. She was no more the happy go lucky Mithi, she was heartbroken. She had lost all the affection she had for her mom. She had gone completely insane. Even Rhea had stopped meeting Mithi.
Once she sat frozen in the kitchen, watching her mom chopping vegetables, without even blinking her eyes.

Where did Mithi’s life bring her. Once she used to be the luckiest girl and today she had turned into a nightmare. Love had affected her so intensely. Hitansh was dead but Mithi wasn’t living either,she was dying every day.

Phone rang, it must be doctor Shukla, Sunaina aunty thought. She went to receive the call while on the other side, Mithi took the knife and started drawing something on her lap, then on stomach. She was bleeding, but she was numb. Slowly she placed knife on her wrist and knowingly or unknowingly cut her hand.

   
The very next second she collapsed. Mithi was no more. The once bubbly and joyful girl was no more. Seeing her daughter like that, Sunaina aunty too fell on the floor in shock.

You never know what’s going to happen in the very next moment of your life. Live to the fullest. Cherish each and every moment with your loved ones. Because no one knows how drastically life could change within a fraction of a second. Life never promises anyone anything .Never perceive anything to be inevitable or predestined. The only absolute is uncertainty. So enjoy each second of your life as if it’s the last.

Sacrifice !!!

After six long days she gathered courage to speak,
Her love never faded it was still at peak.
Everyday watching each other but not even exchanging a look,
Their story was different, not like those stereotypical book.

Watching him smile made her day,
Even they didn’t talk their words passed through a way,
His numbness conveyed her need,
He was in love, indeed.
She used to feel same for him,
Even they loved each other their life was dim,
Commitment was something which he couldn’t afford to give,
One must stay focused to his goal was something he believed.
He didn’t think about her and left her alone,
While hundreds of “I love you” messages left unread in his phone.
became emotionless, his feelings he sacrificed,
But still she was waiting in her white dress before Christ.
He forgot her in the race of achieving goal,
While she ended up burning herself with that burning coal.
Cleaning his shelf, he found her handwritten letter,
Finally he realized, what was missing in his life was her glitter.
In building an image of successful man he lost himself,
Watching him from sky, she smiled at her sacrifice that is herself.

...Memories Kissed!!

Your presence was missed,
Memories of yours just kissed.
That place seemed empty without you,
Your presence is turning me blue.

Your cute puppy face,
For my smile, sets base.
Am jealous, when your look says it all,
Overacting needs to be stopped, I get a call.
Everything is missed,
Just now your memories kissed.

Looking down, saying okay to my every thought,
Along with your charm, innocence you bought.
That day how cutely you bared my slap,
Your patience and calmness is worth a clap.
Everything is missed,
Just now your memories kissed.

Today you are not with me,
Now its I and YOU, no more WE.
I no more appear on your priority list,
Destiny is responsible for all the twist.
Togetherness died, love faded, fake smile appeared,
Lying down broken pieces of my heart, I gathered.
Stood up, all alone started to walk on a naked road,
Faking a smile on a “move-on” mode.
Everything is missed,
Just now your memories kissed.

MASK!!

Today she finally let her mask fall,
Finally she ignored patience’s call.
She let her tears flow,
That let the “always happy’s” mask blow.
She tried hard but couldn’t hold her mask,
She just cried and cried, leaving “be fake’s” task.
He said “good – bye” and left her alone,
All she was left with regret, a grief, a moan.
Eating sleeping pills, she wiped her drowsy eyes,
And believed to the fact that his love was disguise.

Her last words!!

She is sitting beneath a weeping tree,
Pain and lonliness are not setting her free.
The dark clouds provide her a shadow,
With each painful night she is feeling low.
She cries every night and fakes a smile,
To know her melancholic mystery, walk a mile.
Her dark circles certifies her deep sorrow,
She wish there was happiness store to borrow.
This time she lost the meaning of life,
To live or die, with herself she is in strife.
This bitter phase was just too vast,
She wish her warranty no longer to last.
She forgot that only demons exist in this deceitful planet,
Because whenever she tried to share her sadness all she got was a neglect.
She finally took a blade and cut her hand,
Because she found no one who would take a stand.

Silence!!

Under the dark sheltered sky,

When the loving couple are sharing a blush,

Nightingales and the shining moon listen,

And softly the silence speak..

Besides the sea shore,

When the loving couple are walking hand-in-hand,

Dolphins and the melody of waves listen,

And softly the silence speak..

On a bench above the grass,

When the loving couple share a hug,

Butterflies and grasshoppers cease to fly,

And softly the silence speak..

But now the things have changed,

With the pinky cheeks, salted-watery cheeks replaced.

The night moves But I sit still.

Eating up thoughts, tears are paying bill.

The drowsy eyes are in no mood to sleep,

Instead they are demanding to weep,

Even the wind chimes are standing quiet,

But now ....silence screams in melancholy night.